Honesty

While it might appear that I have indeed fallen off the face of the earth (and sometimes I feel like I have!), I am still here and kickin'. Sadly, this whole "adult life" and having a job has meant that my blog is on the back burner. Throughout the day, I give myself mental reminders that I need and want to blog, but then reality sets in and I realize that I have 84 other things on my to-do list. But, here I am now sitting on my couch watching Sweet Home Alabama and finally starting to feel like I have a grasp on things. It is a small grasp, but a grasp nonetheless. 

I'm not quite even sure where to begin, so I'm just going to start writing. Bear with me. 

Landing a full-time teaching position less than two months after moving to Indiana was something I honestly did not think would happen. The fact that it did work out, makes me incredibly grateful...it truly does. But, it is also been one of the most overwhelming, exhausting, and emotional transitions I have ever gone through. Particularly because I am still adjusting to a new life in a new home with a new roommate. My days are long, my classroom is still only half-decorated (hence the lack of pictures), and my plans are being created one day at a time. My feet are sore, my voice is hoarse, and my brain is constantly trying to remember and keep up with all this new lingo that I am learning. But, at the end of the day, I am grateful for all of these things. Because, despite my efforts to tell Nick that all I want to do is be a stay-at-home girlfriend, that doesn't help pay the bills at the end of the day (I thoroughly enjoyed that for a short time, though!). I know that I am very lucky to have a job and I know that things will settle down and I know that there are many a people that would love this chance that I have been given. 

All of my teacher friends will know what I mean when I say that everything we ever learned about being a first-year teacher is entirely true! Like, spot on. Laughter. Tears. Stress. Anxiety. Eagerness. More Tears. The gang's all here! Something so simple as finishing your math lesson right on schedule before moving on to the next subject feels like you just conquered the world. And then realizing that kids just don't quite get how to stand and walk in a straight, quiet line reels you back in to reality. There are ups and downs all day long, but that is what being a teacher is all about. Not everything will go perfect, but it all manages to come together somehow, someway in the end. And if it doesn't, that's what margaritas are for.

This post is not intended to be negative, by any means, and I hope that it doesn't come off that way. It's meant to be honest. That teaching can be really, really hard. Because while I could write and complain about everything that has gone less than perfect...what's the point? Sure, I've called and vented to my family and Nick, but it wouldn't do any good to harbor on the negatives and I'm pretty sure no one really wants to read about that anyway! I do hope that you're interested in some of the wonderful things that have happened though!

1. My teaching partner, Cherri, is absolutely fabulous. We are the only two 4th grade teachers, and I'd be lost without her, no doubt. She will drop anything that she is doing to answer the silliest of my questions and she helps me do anything and everything. We plan our lessons together and she always keeps me in the loop. She has a way of telling me that everything will be okay and she has really taken me under her wing. There have been many days where I just want my mom, and she's the one I can turn to. Until I get in the car and can call Sarah :)

2. My kids are sweet! I've gotten cute notes and "best teacher ever" cards and they always help put things back into perspective. They have also learned that coloring with orange and blue and writing "Go Gators!" on their paper isn't a bad thing. I'm definitely creating some little Gators!

3. I've been told that I'm doing a good job. Which is always really, really nice to hear :) 

 4. Every day is getting better and a bit easier. This week started off rough, but went uphill. I am starting to get into the swing of things and find a rhythm with the kids...which is enjoyable for everyone!

As always, Nick has continued to be very supportive and is good about giving me tough love when I need it. Sometimes I do just want him to shut up and listen, but he always finds something encouraging to say and he does do a good job at putting things back into perspective. I feel guilty because I haven't been able to give him my undivided attention or just have a lighthearted conversation with him in what feels like forever. I wake up at 5:15, get home at 6:00, and am in bed by 9:30 so our time has been limited. When I do get home, I just want to sit and have some peace and quiet, which makes me feel selfish. I decided to skip the lake this weekend because I had papers to grade and work to get done and knew I could be more productive here, but it's also been a bit lonely. I kept wishing all day that I could be at the lake with him, but I also think that a day to myself might have been a good thing. Being long distance for three years has been all I've ever known and being by myself was just always how it was. I enjoy my alone time so I still think it's important that we still have that from time to time. But, he reminded me last night as he texted me goodnight, that "soon enough it will be just you and me, on the couch. Every night. :-)" ...and I'm also ready for that!

Again, thank you to everyone who has called or wrote or texted or tweeted or facebook-ed me to let me know that I'm in your thoughts. It really does mean so much to me and makes my days better. This new chapter in my life is just that...new. It's exciting and scary all at the same time. I feel like I can't keep my head above water, but I haven't even gotten my feet wet. I have no idea what my life will be like a year from now and I have no idea what Monday has in store for me. I can't believe I've already been in Fort Wayne for two months, yet it feels like I've been here for two years. 

If there is anything that I do know, it's these 3 things:

1. I am pumped for the *NSYNC reunion performance at the VMAs. I may even practice my Bye, Bye, Bye dance moves to prep for it. 

2. Gator Football is only 1 week away. I'm ready for some Coach Boom!

3. I hope I am a better teacher than I am a blogger. I promise to *try* to post again soon. 

Until next time :)